Autobahn Police Simulator

Autobahn Police Simulator is essentially a very simple premise – play as a motorway cop along a full-sized, open, sandbox road, and use realistic procedure to inspect NPC motorists, respond to accidents, and cycle through a dozen radio channels for the sake of the immersion-seeking hobbyist. 

This exact formula has a lot of potential, and would be a great mod on say – a Grand Theft Auto or Saints’ Row title – but as a standalone game has absolutely failed to deliver here. The myriad technical issues are the first impossible hurdle – this allegedly lightweight 2015 sim absolutely chugs even fairly beefy machines with its unoptimized use of resources, so don’t even think about trying it on a more modest PC. 

Loading times from menu to menu and when starting the game take upwards of five minutes, and even in my thankfully brief time with the game, still indefinitely starting hanging and softly crashing while attempting to enter a level.

The actual game itself is not much better once it does load. The game’s standard issue police cruiser glides along as if a physics engine is something this game’s devs has barely heard of, the ability to even control the car seems tied directly to the framerate, and more often that not will inexplicably ping rapidly off into space when attempting to take a corner.    

The on-foot controls are tanky, character animations essentially non-existent, and even a quick look at the game’s Steam Community page will show you dozens of examples of the 3D art assets deforming and spaghettifying apropos of nothing too.  

If you’re really a masochist, Autobahn Police Simulator does have integrated Trading Cards, Badges and Emotes to craft, although I’d wager there’s a fifty-fifty chance of you actually being able to run the game long enough to actually farm the cards in the first place. 

Not at all recommended.